I hope you get to read this before we die...I know you’re out there , moving your way around all the hearts that aren’t mine, maybe you fell in love a couple of times but something keeps making you fall out of it because you’re suppose to be with me. I hope that we get to meet at least just once. Say hello , have a cup of coffee. I hope I can see your smile and brace your hug and even just for a second know what it looks like to have immeasurable love. Someone who looks at me in awe in pjs and glasses on , and a smirk of disbelief when I walk out of the bathroom an hour later for date night and you watch me stumble across the room as if I’m the most beautiful creature there is. Someone who leaves me small paper trails of remembrance that I’m loved just because. I know we haven’t met yet but I can almost feel the chills of your finger tips as they run across my body. I can hear myself yelling at you for not eating breakfast and chasing you out the door with the plate. I can feel our hands holding on tightly to one another as the plane takes off yet again to our new adventure, I can feel the warmth of laughter when it’s been 4 hours and were lost with a broken car on the side of the road in a foreign country. I can hear you say “where to next” with poise and confidence. I feel the comfort when you say “we’ll figure it out like we always do.” Because we really always do. You’d tell me every morning “we’re gonna make it my queen, we already have.” You’d never get tired of hearing my voice when I sing , you’ll look at me every time as if you’ve never heard it before and stand in the doorway of our sons’s bedroom watching as I sing him to bed. Oh what a love to love with trust, and vigilance, to be so fearful of losing someone and scared to love them but throwing yourself in full body— because isn’t that always how it starts? It’s always simpler starting though, to throw yourself in because you’re afraid, and fragile, but at least they have the chance to prove you wrong as they’ve never done the wrongful act before.
10 years from now I’ll read this to you , and you’ll realize it was about you , you’re the one who I endured so much past heartbreak before to meet. You made it worth it. To never be guided by jealousy, never filled with lust of another lover —poisoned by affair. You won’t be perfect. We won’t be perfect , but at best we’d love each other and only each other.. to love without the fear of being guided by another’s eyes other than our own.
I have to stop falling in love with strangers.