I don't know if being a dramatic emotional mess has made me a good writer or if the ways of trying to find the perfect words to be a good writer has made me see the world in a casted film of emotionally dramatic.
Maybe I wanted to be good so bad that I created the illusion that life is this pit of despair, and every waking moment is a scene in a drama movie and the universe has chosen me as the star, because the alternative option is that I was born with the brain that continually shows me it's dark capabilities of seeing the world in some dark shadow I can't run away from.
It's always here, it's always thinking and just when you think the thought is over a new plot arises.
Can you imagine that? Living with a brain you wish you could escape every single day. You'd know what insanity taste like before you even knew its name.
There's no power button to your upstairs powerhouse, the only time you get the chance to run away is when you close your eyes.
Traumatic as that is.. you don't want to die; because you still feel the value in life so you live with the never ending reality that this is you, trying to bear the nightmare every morning, afternoon, and evening before you can shut the lights and breathe.
After awhile you realize they were right in saying not to fight the emotions but to allow them just to sit. Insanity has become your normal, this is what you've become
So when someone asks you if you're okay
"yes"
Isn't a lie.
It's your truth.